Hillbilly Hump Day (The beginning of the end?)

It's Hump Day Seekers!!  Time to get my hillbilly on!  Honest to goodness, I think "The Gods" must love my hillbilly posts!  I swear it must be so!  Just the other day my friend Janie left me a message on FB asking for a hillbilly update!  She's one of my faithful Hillbilly fans!  (If you're new to my blog, I used to write about my HILLBILLY neighbors every Wednesday).  Once I got the request from Janie, I started thinking, what have the hillbillies been up too?  It's been a minute since I wrote about them.  Then today it was as if "The Gods" opened up the heavens and said "here Buffee write about this. . . . . . ." 

In the beginning the hillbillies seemed to give me an endless supply of material to write about.  But lately they've been quiet.  Quiet?  Okay, maybe that's not the word I'm looking for?  How about this. . . . .they've been hiding out?  Ha!  Yep, that's more like it!  Apparently they're being investigated!  By who?  Well, let me just tell you. . . . 

So we have another hillbilly neighbor that lives across the street, we'll call him Anthony, (because that's his name)!  Recently Anthony spent some time in jail.  (Something about a fight with his wife, she called the police on him, and he ended up having an old warrant out for his arrest).  Anyfreakingway, Anthony was all sorts of chummy with the hillbillies BEFORE he went to jail, (they use the same drug dealer).  For whatever reason, once he was in jail, he decided to call DCF (The Department of Children and Families) on the hillbillies!  Oh.Yes.He.Did.  Why?  Who the heck knows? (If I had to guess I'd say it probably had something to do with the oldest billyboy trying to bang his wife while he was behind bars)?  Oh man, doesn't this stuff make for great story telling?  (Thanks Anthony).  I seriously couldn't make this shiz up any better if I tried.  This is "reality TV" type stuff at it's finest!  

I guess maybe since they're being investigated by DCF AND they were sited for their trash, they've decided to do some much needed spring fall cleaning.  They even threw out the old bathtub that's been sitting on the side of their house for the last 10 years.  At one point they had so many trash bags in the back yard it looked like a landfield.  I think they might be hoarders?  (See, reality TV people)!  They're the really nasty kind too, that hoard their trash.  They need several of those 1-800-Got-Junk trucks!  Maybe I should call the show and suggest them?  Eeeewwww, can you imagine? 

Anyway, to the really good stuff!  Hillbilly momma has left the building!  Uh huh!  At least she hasn't been staying their the last week or so.  This afternoon (see, I told you even "The Gods" want me to write about them today), the hillbilly momma came home with a trash overnight bag to collect some of her things.  Needless to say, hillbilly daddy was none too happy!  They got into a huge screaming match outside in the front yard!  Bad enough for the neighbors across the street to call the police!  The only thing I heard was, (because you know the MIL and I had to catch the show walk the dogs) . . . hillbilly daddy screaming "what the heck am I supposed to do while you're out partying it up and effing everything insight?"  Okay, maybe I didn't quote him exactly, but it wasn't pretty!  Then the police showed up.  At which point I went inside to eat dinner and ignore the hillbillies!  All the good stuff was over!

Good times people, good times!  Oh, the billygirl has decided to keep her baby.  I'm not so sure if that's a good thing or not?  I guess it's better then abortion, BUT it means ANOTHER hillbilly.  No updates on the old cat lady taking them to court over that dang billydog or not?  Oh, funny story though.  William and I were standing outside with Krickett (one of my Chis babies) late at night.  This was back when all of the cat killing was happening with the billydog pit.  Well Krickett decided he was going to take a nosedive right out of my hands and he landed on his back.  Luckily it only knocked the wind out of him.  Once he could breathe again he let out this extremely loud screeching yelp.  Our neighbor, Mike, (one we actually like), came running outside in his nunderwears with a golf club in his hands.  He was ready to get him some billydog fo'sho!  It was hilarious!  I can't even tell you how funny it was.  Now everytime I see Mike I giggle to myself, because I picture him running out of their house in just his boxer-briefs holding that golf club up ready to strike!  hehe

Oh man!  Thanks Janie!  I needed a good laugh!  So there you have it Seekers!  Happy Hillbilly Hump Day!  It's fall, go bake your neighbors some cookies and thank them (and "The Gods") for not being HILLBILLIES!!  

Stay tuned, you never know when another episode of Hillbilly Hump Day will be coming your way! 
  

Hillbilly Hump Day (The Storm)

So I took a break from writing my HHD posts, because I didn't really have anything of significance to write about.  Until now!  Happy Hillbilly Hump Day Seeks!  I'm back, atleast for today!

Remember how I said I could feel it in my bones that a storm was a brewin'?  Turns out it wasn't just my arthritis!  Nope, I was right!  And when it rains, it definitely pours! 

So up first, pregnant billy's baby daddy.  I found out why he hasn't been coming around.  He's in jail!  Yep, I saw that coming.  Something like 17 counts of attempted armed robbery.  Apparently he was caught in the act, inside someones home ripping them off!  HA!  Momma and Daddy billy must be so proud!

Up next, all the billy kids got new hairdos!  And they weren't back to schools hairdos either!  Nope, they are the kind hillbillies give their kids with LICE!  Buzz cuts for the billy boys and short cuts for the billy girls.  Man, makes my head itch just thinking about it!  And I told Justin if he goes anywhere near that house, he's dead!  (Maybe I shouldn't put that in writing)?

And remember how I told you that the hb's have dogs, the ones I had never even seen for the first few months we lived here?  And the broken window, remember that?  Apparently they're having issues containing them because of the broken window.  And one of them is a pit.  (Yeah, I'm so not happy about that).  Well their pit attacked a cat down the street about 2 weeks ago.  A friend of the MIL's and he was really upset, because his cat was hiding up under the house and he couldn't get her out for about 2 days.  (Old houses, Riverside, built up off the ground).  Well when he called animal control he had no proof it was the hb's dog.  So nothing happened.   

Then yesterday the pit attacked and KILLED a lady down the street's cat.  Apparently a lady who loves her cat like I love my dogs.  A lady that just so happens to be married to an attorney!  A lady who called animal control.  A lady with a DEAD CAT as proof.  A lady who's now taking the hillbillies to court.  (I told the MIL if that pit kills one of my poppies, there's gonna be a dead hillbilly.  She said she'd kill that pit herself.  I said no, we're going to have a DEAD HILLBILLY on our hands, believe you me)!  Not.Even.Kidding. 

When animal control came out the billy dad showed him their small Chihuahua and said "this is the only animal we own"!  Ha!  He sat there and argued with the man for about an hour over the citation, for $250.00.  (Whoopdy big shit, your dog killed a cat asshole)!  Well, my MIL, being the nosy woman she is, caught the animal control guy, Sammy, just as he was leaving and brought him around back where their other dogs just so happened to be hanging out.  While they were out there about 10 other neighbors showed up and all of them signed affidavits saying the hb's have the pit, among many other animals!  HA!  All of which are willing to testify in court, for the citation and the lady suing them!  HA! HA!  HA! HA! Oh man!  Karma's a bitch for real dude! 

So there you have, good times, good entertainment all courtesy of my hillbilly neighbors.  William and my MIL believe this is the beginning of the end for the hillbillies.  They're going to have code enforcement all over their asses now!  HA!  It almost makes me feel guilty. . . . almost. . . . Ah hell, who am I trying to fool?  I love it!  Serves those hillbillies right for being filthy nastyass buggers!   

Sorry it's so late in the day, I've been under the weather.  But better late than never!  Hope everyone had a great Hillbilly Hump Day!