parenting 101

Being a first time mother stepmother, to a teenager, comes with serious challenges.  When your children are born, you have years to get to know each child.  You develop a certain bond, you know that child, inside and out.  You've been there every single step of their way.  They're a part of you.  You made them.  Because of that you love them unconditionally.  Then later on, down the road, you might get remarried or "cohabitate" with another person that has their own children.  So you're now a parent with stepchildren.  Because you had your own children, you love your new stepchildren with a more patient love.  Because you have experience.  I have never had that.  I've never created a child to know that kind of love.  A piece of me has never become someone else, a new being.  I don't know that love.  I never will.  So my love for Justin comes only from the dream of knowing that kind of love.  It's not unconditional, because I've never know that love.  (Yes my parents show me unconditional love.  Yes I love my husband unconditionally.  But that is a different kind of love.).  Atleast it is for me.  I love him because I have to.  Not because it comes naturally or because I want to.  I've had to make myself.  It doesn't mean that I don't.  It's just hard for me.

So my parenting is all my own.  My child came to me at the age of 15.  I knew him before that.  He'd spent the night.  But he didn't move in with me until 1 month after my hysterectomy.  1 month after I lost my dream of ever becoming a "mother".  It was emotional.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to live through.  And now I have a 15 year old teenager, attitude and all, moving in with me.  That I'm supposed to love.  And do this unconditionally, while I grieve my lifelong dream of becoming a mother. 

Hmmmm . . . . what to do.  I like him about as much as I like a roommate that I cannot stand, who's disgusting, and smelly, lazy, questions everything I say, shares my only bathroom (BOY), who's never been taught anything, ever.  (I'm not kidding, I'm speaking 100% as honest as anything I've ever said in my life.  Literally, he was never taught to do anything).  He smokes pot.  Has sex.  This is the only child teenager I'm ever going to parent.  This is my life!

Justin didn't need a parent.  He was grown and I was never going to "mother" him.  So I had to become a motherly, positive female influence, "wise" guiding friend, to my stepchild son.  I'm learning as I go.  I've already made some huge mistakes.  But in the end, my goal, is to NOT screw him up, anymore than he already is!  To accept him just as he is.  To help him make good life choices.  To make him my family.  Because he's a part of my forever family.

I'm older than you, I'm responsible for you, I pay your bills, buy your food, clean your clothes, provide a roof over your head, cook for you, etc, etc, etc.  You're going to respect me.  I'm going to respect you.  But my idea of respect and your idea of respect are completely different.  You're going to do you chores.  Which consist of washing the dishes and taking the trash out.  Period.  This is not up for discussion.  I do everything else.  This is not asking too much of you.  Period.

We have gone round and round over this subject.  I have talked, pleaded, "disciplined", taken things away, rewarded.  I've tried everything.  But I don't want him to hate me.  So I have to be the bad guy, but find a way to get through to him.  On his level.  It's been very difficult.  The other day he was asked, again, by his grandmother to wash the dishes.  The 3 of us got into it because he started giving Laura lip over not being asked nicely.  Seriously Justin?  WTF?  You live in our house, we with supply you with all the creature comforts of a home and the luxuries of being an only teenage child.  And you're going to tell us to ask you nicely?  You know this is YOUR responsibility.  Laura and I worked all day.  ALL DAY.  Laura just worked in a roach and mold infested house pulling down old wallpaper in the 100 degree heat with no air conditioning and I have a broken toe.  What did you do today?  What's that, you SLEPT all damn day?  And before that you stayed up ALL night playing video games.  And I'm supposed to ask you nicely to wash the dishes so I can stand up with my broken toe to make you dinner?  I wanted to slap his face.  I was so flipping pissed off, I was seeing red.  My blood was literally boiling and steam was coming out of my ears.  I'm almost positive I looked like something out of the Exorcist!

I left the house.  I called William.  He told me, you're his stepmother now, you need to learn to handle this Buffee.  Fine.  But I don't want any crap over my parenting skills.  Nonewhatsoever!  Justin LOVES Popeye's.  We needed dinner.  I was not cooking after all of this.  I went and bought me and Laura dinner at Popeye's.  I came home, told Laura to stop washing the dishes and to sit down and eat.  She wouldn't, said she'd feel to guilty.  Whattheflipever!  I started eating and Justin came in.  He asked for his dinner.  I told him to make himself a bowl of cereal.  (Hey, it's food, he's not going to starve).  He stormed out.  Oh well, still not feeling bad, not at all.  So a few minutes later he came back and overheard me telling Laura, if he wants what we're having and wants to enjoy the things that we enjoy, like Popeye's, then he'll learn to do his chores.  I didn't mean for him to hear that, it just worked out perfectly that he did.  He came in and told his grandma to sit down and relax, that he's going to wash the dishes.  He handed me the power cord to his PS3 and told me not to give it back to him until I'm completely satisfied with the kitchen.  And then he started cleaning.

I call this Buffee's tough love.  I did end up giving him 2 wings and made him some Cajun rice to go with it.  I'm not a complete stepmonster.  But I've had to learn that delicate balance of being his stepmother and being his friend.  It's very difficult.  It's a new adventure everyday.  But I have learned to love him in my own way.  We have a good relationship for the most part.  Atleast I think so?  Who knows?  He's a teenager.  I remember what that was like and I remember my relationship with my mother.  It is what it is, but it's ours.

Wow, I never intended for this post to be this long.

So yesterday I got up and once again the dishes were left dirty.  OMG I'm going to kill this kid!  After all of that, we're going to go through this AGAIN!  So I woke him up and told him I'm going shopping, you need to PLEASE have the kitchen cleaned and the dishes done before I get home.  This is what I came home to.

 

The kitchen was clean, but the dishes were dirty.  WTF?  AND there was a note on my chalkboard saying, Don't touch these dishes, I will do them!  Bitches!!  No he did not!  I forgot to snap a picture of the sign, but this was my response!

I thought once again, maybe he'll get the picture.  No such luck.  This morning I woke up to a dirty kitchen once again.  What is it going to take?  I'm at a loss for words and patience.  I sent him a text, because like every other teenager out there, asleep or not, they read their texts.  I told him he had better get his lazy butt up and get in there and have that kitchen cleaned within the hour so that I could make his father a nice breakfast for father's day before he goes to work all day.

Sigh.  It's a constant struggle.  Some days I feel like I'm failing and I'm never going to get the hang of this.  Other days I feel like a rock star of a stepmother.  

I like big butts!

So today at work I was sitting here, as usual, pretending to be busy working.  Listening to my iPod with great headphones that allow me to turn the volume up really, REALLY loud.  (I use to get into trouble because my manager could hear my headphones, yeah, whatever)!  So I upgraded, and the new ones literally ROCK!  I love them!  I have personal concerts right here at my cuby all the time!  I even dance and put on shows.  No, I don't get embarrassed when people walk by my desk and catch me lip sinking to Journey and playing the drums, or dancing to the Chipmunks soundtrack!  It's usually the highlight of my very boring cubical job.  (I know you're jealous and I know you know you're jealous too)!  Everybody wants to be me!

Anyway, back to my story, I was sitting here blogging pretending to work, when I got interrupted by this extremely loud voice.  I could hear it over Pink playing on my iPod.  WTF?  Do you know how loud I listen to Pink??  So I turned off my music and listened. . . . nope, definitely not work related, but it's definitely coming from my manager's office.  (It's rarely work related, just saying. . . . I hear everything)!  So now I'm pissed, because I could careless what, or who, their talking about.  Seriously, I have stuff work to do!  So I get up and pretend to have a question for my manager so I can (1) see who the heck the loud mouth is and make a mental note to never speak to her and (2) make my way over to my friend's desk to shoot the shit.  Why not, the manager's doing it!

While talking to said friend, I bring up the loud mouth in the manager's office.  The conversation went like this. . . .

me: OMG she's so effing loud
friend: I know, right??
(friend doing imitation of loud mouth)
laughing. . . .
more laughing. . .
me: for the record the loud mouth has the worst ass I've ever seen on a woman!
friend: really?  I've never noticed?
(friend is a guy)
me: how could you not??  maybe it's because she doesn't have one??
more laughing

manager: Buffee did you need something
(we never get to have fun)

Then I went to lunch with another friend.  Here's how that conversation went. . .

me: did you hear that loud mouth in our manager's office earlier?
friend #2: no, who?
me: so and so
friend #2: you mean the one with no ass?!?
laughing
more laughing
friend #2: I'm serious, she has no ass!
me: laughing
friend #2: what?
me: I told friend #1 the same thing earlier!
laughing
me: I wonder if she makes a sound when she farts?
(YES, I actually said that)
laughing
me: seriously, she has no ass cheeks, nothing to vibrate the air to make a sound!
(I think we laughed the rest of lunch)! 


I feel justified!

Share A Spoon: Crock-Pot-It

  

It's Thursday. . . . and that means it's time to get cooking with my sister's  SAS!!

One of my favorite restaurants is called Puerto Plata (Authentic Latin Cuisine).  It's not a chain restaurant, it's one of those great hole-in-the-wall type places.  When we go, William and I always order the same thing, Pernil (Roast Pork) with red beans (or black beans) and yellow rice!  If you've never had Pernil, it's pork cooked/roasted until it falls apart, sort of like BBQ pulled pork, without the BBQ or vinegar/sugar flavors.  Instead it's flavored with onions and garlic.  It's absolutely fabulous! 

In an attempt to recreate the Pernil at home, I started experimenting with pork in my Crock-Pot.  I always cook my roast in the Crock-Pot and let it cook until it falls apart.  So I figured why not do the same with a pork butt or pork shoulder!  Turns out, I was right on the money!  When I first started, I used one package (envelope) of Lipton's onion soup mix and water.  It's very tasty cooked this way, if I do say so myself!  But my sister later turned me onto salsa verde and pork, and I've been hooked ever since!  So here is a Usina Family FAVORITE!

Crock-Pot Pork- Salsa Verde Style

What you will need:

Pork (I use pork ribs, they're already cut up for me, but you can also use a pork shoulder or pork butt)

1 jar Pace Salsa Verde

1 large onion (3/4 sliced, 1/4 chopped)

1 package of Vigo yellow rice

1-2 cans Goya black beans

or

1-2 cans Goya red beans (in sauce)

1 jalapeno pepper chopped (optional)

1 loaf crusty bread

Place the pork of your choice in the Crock-Pot.  

Pour 1 jar of Pace Salsa Verde over the Pork.

Top with the onion slices.

Cook 4-6 hours on high, until pork falls apart.

 

The Pace pictured above is my favorite to use.  However, I have a hard time finding it at the regular grocery stores.  It's always at Super Wal-Mart and Super Target.  I have used other brands and they work just fine.  So feel free to use any salsa verde you like.  This salsa verde is a tad spicy, it has jalapenos in it.  So keep that in mind if you have youngsters that don't like things spicy!

  

I always serve this with rice! 

Typically I use yellow rice, but occasionally I like to use white rice.

My favorite is the Vigo brand. 

Just follow the instructions on the packaging.

I like to substitute chicken stock for the water.

 

 William likes the black beans best!

And I prefer the red ones! 

I saute the remaining chopped onion and chopped jalapeno in olive oil. 

Add 1-2 cans of black or red beans (in sauce) to the sauteed onion/jalapeno. 

If you don't get the red beans 'in sauce' then they're just regular kidney beans.

Heat and serve!

I like to serve this with the pork over the rice and the beans on the side with a good piece of crusty (buttered) bread!  Yummy yummy! 

I hope everyone enjoys this meal as much as my family does! 

Duck Fest Winner!!

by Lauren Barnett

My Duck Fest winner is lucky # 77 Alicia @ It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy !!!!  Thank you everyone for your generous donations towards the JD Scholarship fund!  I was honored to have so many entries for one of my blankets!  When I first told my sister I wanted to participate, I felt a little silly offering one of my blankets, but it was all I could think of!  However, I think it turned out to be a huge success!  I will post pictures of the "winning" blanket when it is complete! 

I'm thinking maybe I'll hold another drawing down the road, for another blanket!  I have too many blankets in the works at this moment, but I'll see what I can come up with!

Thanks again to everyone who donated, whether it was money, prizes, their time and effort, those who helped organize, made buttons, or wrote blog posts, etc!  It makes my heart happy, to help others, especially in a time of such sadness.  Daffy is a great friend of my sister's and I was honored to be a part of the Duck Fest for her and her nephew, JD!        

Hillbilly Hump Day (Episode 3- Pants on the Ground)

Happy Hump Day Seekers!  

Things have been a little hectic around the Usina household this past week.  We've all been down with the sickness (aka strep throat) and I broke my toe on Sunday.  I have not been to work since last Thursday.  I'm sooo not looking forward to walking around with a broken toe at work.  I NEVER thought I would ever mutter these words, but THANK GOODNESS FOR MY MIL!  Laura has been a Godsend!  She took care of William and I while we were sick.  She cooked and cleaned and ran errands, made drinks, cleaned up puke, she did ALL the things that only a mother could do!  She also drove William to the hospital so that I could drive my sick self to my favorite "oldest" niece's graduation!  (Yay Kenna, I'm so proud of you)!!  William has type one diabetes, so when he gets sick, he really gets sick.  He tends to put things off until it's too late and then he ends up in the hospital.  But he's doing well and back to work!  He is a trooper!  He reminds me of my daddy in that way, he only misses work when he's next to death!  Me on the other hand, what's that, a broken toe, yeah, no thanks, I'm staying in bed!  We'll try it again tomorrow!  :)  

Since we were down with the sickness, I have very little to share with you on the hillbilly home front.  Justin tells me that the hillbilly momma got into it with the hillbilly daughter's baby daddy, (one of them), and told him never to show his ugly mug around their place again.  Apparently the hillbilly daddy (not baby daddy but the hillbilly daddy) told his hillbilly daughter she couldn't use the phone to call her loser boyfriends anymore.  So she walked up to the store and called him collect.  (REALLY, do people still do that)?  Anyway, baby daddy told the pregnant hillbilly he'd rather buy himself a soda then pay for her call!  Oh, smack that!

So, I think I might have mentioned the fact that we have new neighbors, they moved in across the street?  Anyway, they decided to leave their pit bull in the backyard and it got out.  Um, HELLO, not to be a jerk or anything, BUT, we have babies over here!  THREE of them, my tiny chihuahuas!  And it's Riverside, we walk our dogs on leashes, we don't let them roam around carelessly!  Move to Middleburg if you want to let your pits roam wild, (just saying)!  Anyway, so Laura decides she's going to walk over and ask the neighbor to kindly put his dog back up.  But the dog chased her out of the yard!  (Old lady running from a pit bull, funny, but it gets better)!  So Laura comes back home and calls the cops.  (Yes, I stand by her decision to call, we have lots of tiny dogs being walked around here, LOTS of Chis and Yorkies).  In the meantime the baby billy, Dillon, decides he's going to go over and knock on the neighbors door.  Laura tried telling him it wasn't a good idea, that he should just wait and let the cops handle it!  Picture if you will, a very short, and I mean short, (he's a runt), hillbilly boy wearing his "pants on the ground" (you know how they wear their pants almost to their knees nowadays) walking with his hillbilly attitude towards the yard with the now "hiding" pit bull!  When that pit caught sight of him and I tell you he was running for his life, with his "pants on the ground" I mean he was running for his life with his "pants on the ground"!!  OMG!  5 more seconds and that pit would have had him some baby billy butt!  He barely escaped by the hairs of his hillbilly bunbuns!  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life!  It almost made up for the JERKS coming home and trying to say how sweet their pit bull is and how it would NEVER "hurt a fly" BS!  The same crap ALL pit owners claim!  Whatever, keep your stupid dog in your house and on a leash!  (And for all you baby billies out there keep your pants on your buns and stay away from the "hiding" pit bulls)! 

Well there you have it seekers!  Let's do the humpty hump!  I hope everyone has a great Hillbilly Hump Day!! 

      

Duck Fest Crochet Style!

Chances are if you're reading this you already know all about Duck Fest.  For my readers that don't here is a recap!

What is Duck Fest?

Duck Fest is a blog party fundraising event to raise money for the JD Scholarship Fund.  It runs June 3 - 8 right here in the blogosphere!

Duck Fest is supporting our fellow blog bud, Daffy. She is setting up the JD Scholarship Fund in honor of her sister, Wendy. JD is Daffy's 5 year old nephew who just lost his mother suddenly, last week. Every parent strives to give the best to their child and as a single father, sending JD to college will be difficult.

How does Duck Fest work?

By using the McLinky at the bottom of this page, you are able to visit a number of giveaways to raise money for the JD Scholarship Fund.  If you find a giveaway you'd like to enter, beginning June 3, you can click on the donate button on that giveaway and donate money for entries.  Each entry is $1.00.  If you donate $10.00 you have 10 entries to spend however you want. Please follow the PayPal directions for your donation (be sure to leave your blog url in notes for verification!). Leave a comment for each $1.00 donation on the giveaways of your choice!  On June 9, each hosting blog will select their winners using random.org.

One of my FAVORITE things to do is crochet!  I actually found crocheting just by chance.  But it has become a love of mine.  My favorite things to crochet are baby afghans.  (Especially for little girls)!  For Duck Fest I will be crocheting one of my "Sweetheart" baby afghans in the color of your choice!  It can be made in a variety of colors.  (It does NOT have to be a pastel color, I am only limited by my yarn).  AND as an added incentive, I will also be crocheting the name of your choice in your blanket!  (Since my blanket donation will be custom made, I will need 4-6 weeks to complete the winners blanket)!

Here are some samples of my work!

These blankets work well for babies or little girls and boys. 

I have never sold one of my blankets.  They have always been reserved for the ones nearest and dearest to my heart.  It's hard to put a price tag on something that is a piece of yourself.  This is my little contribution to a wonderful cause. 

In the comments section please leave your email address if it's not listed on your profile.  Hit that follow button on my side bar.  I will contract the winner to get colors and name for the blanket if your name is drawn.

We are using random.org to draw winnners.  Please leave one comment per $1.00 donation.  If you put in $5.00 leave five comments.  Good luck!

Hillbilly Hump Day (Episode 2- Hillbilly Landscape)

It's that time again truth seekers, Happy Hump Day!  Let's get our hillbilly on and do the humpty hump!    

Last night as I was sitting here typing up my hillbilly post, we got some live hillbilly action.  Hillbilly momma was outside screaming.  It seems to be their favorite way of communicating.  When I say screaming, I'm not talking about raised voices or shouting, it's typically a full on screaming match.  We have new neighbors that just moved in across the street.  I'm wondering what they think of our hillbillies? 

I do have an update for my seekers, straight from the hillbillies themselves.  Justin has been hanging out with the baby-billies (aka the youngest two, Dillon and Brandy)!  No, I'm not happy about it, but he does get me the inside scoop!  I think of him as my informant, he's doing my "dirty work" for me.  And trust me, it's definitely dirty! So, the oldest hillbilly daughter, Jessica, is preggers fo'sure!  AND just as I suspected, she has no idea who her "baby daddy" be!  So that's why both the bf's are still hanging around!  See, I told you guys, they're going to end up on an episode of the Maury Show, (Who My Baby Daddy)?!  

I tried to get Justin to take some pictures of the hillbillies, but he said he didn't feel comfortable doing so.  Over the weekend they, the hillbilly teens, had a little get-together in their back yard.  It looked like a hillbilly/thug convention.  Since Justin has been hanging out with them, I asked him to go over and try to snap a few shots.  He didn't just say no, he said HELL NO!  He said those thugs weren't the kind of people you go around taking pictures of and that he doesn't even like to look them in the eyes.  (WTF)??  If he's that afraid of those "thugs" I surely don't want him hanging out with them.  So I told him nevermind and to stay the HELL away from the hillbillies and their thug friends! 

I'm thinking I should get myself one of those cameras like the paparazzi use.  I've always wanted one and I absolutely love love LOVE taking pictures!  Then I could stalk watch the hillbillies from afar and still get photos of them!  (Hopefully my sweetheart of a husband will read this and get ideas for a Christmas or Birthday present)!  

As promised I have the backyard pictures for your viewing pleasure!  You can tell just by looking at the them I was "hiding" in the bushes trying to take them.  Yes, I'm a dare devil, I walk on the wild side, I laugh in the face of danger!  HA!        

   

Beautiful landscape huh?  I know you're all so jealous of me and wish you lived next to the hillbillies!  LOL!  I'm telling you, before long, I'm going to have inspired all of my seekers to bake some cookies for their neighbors!  And when they ask you what's the occasion, just thank them for not being HILLBILLIES!  (and then send them over to read my blog)!  Maybe they'll bake you some cookies too!  

Happy Hillbilly Hump Day Seekers!!   

Please remember to stop by tomorrow for Duck Fest, Crochet Style!  For just $1 you could be the lucky winner of one of my custom made baby (or small child) afghans!  The afghan will be the color of your choice and personalized with a name crocheted right into the blanket!  This is an awesome deal folks and a great charitable contribution.