May 4th, 2009. . . . I woke in the recovery room and I thought I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I was in so much pain, I wanted to die. I've had lots of surgeries throughout my life, including several "female" surgeries, but nothing as painful as this. Looking back on it now, I'm sure that the emotional aspect of the surgery played a significant role. I wasn't just losing my uterus, no, I was losing a piece of myself. A lifelong dream of becoming a mother. If I could describe it in a way that might make sense to other people, I would say it felt like my life was derailed. The train I was on, crashed, and the track was now forever changed. I was raised in a very conservative religious home. My biggest goal in life was to grow up, get married, and have a family. That's what you did. That's what everyone I know did. (With a few exceptions, obviously). I know nowadays things are different, women don't have to have families, and so many are career oriented. But that wasn't what I wanted. Nope, I was one of the girls who wanted 6 kids growing up. I wanted to be the PTA mom, and homeroom mother, the dugout mom, etc. I would have been so happy with Michelle Duggar's life! (Shhh, don't tell anyone I said that)!
Flash forward 3 weeks after my surgery. . . . I was sitting on my couch trying to eat my dinner when my husband wouldn't stop talking. I couldn't even tell you what he was talking about, all I can tell you is that it was driving me CRAZY! I looked at him and told him "will you please shutthe
Today. . . . I'm living life one day at a time. I'm trying to focus on what I do have and love my life for what it is. I have a husband who loves me for me. We have a great relationship. We've been through some really hard times. But when it's all said and done, we're perfect for each other. Together we're "raising" his 16 year old son, Justin. Justin moved in with us 4 weeks after my hysterectomy. (I'm almost positive he thinks I'm crazy)! I try my best at the whole stepmother thing. Luckily for me his bio mom plays no role in our lives. We have 4 dogs. Gizmo, my 10 yr old Lhasa Apso and 3 Chihuahuas, Charlee 3yrs old, Krickett and Bitzee, both almost 2 yrs old. It's definitely been a journey of self discovery. We live with William's mother, Laura, in her house in Riverside. That's a post all in and of it's self! So in my blog you'll hear about my life being a woman without a uterus, a wife, a stepmother, a daughter-in-law trying not to kill the crazy lady I live with, a dog lover, and many many more topics that come to my crazy mind! Just me being me!