Won't you be my neighbor?

So about 3 months ago we moved to Riverside.  For those of you that aren't familiar with Jacksonville, FL, it's a historical district.  It's a very charming and quaint neighborhood.  Beautiful old homes and buildings.  It’s a wonderful place to live.  We love everything about it.  Everything BUT our hillbilly neighbors!



Have you seen the movie Overboard, with Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn?  You know the house that he moves her into?  Yes, that’s what my neighbors place looks like.  At least it did before the city cited them and forced them to clean it up!  (I know you’re probably wondering why in the world would we move in next to them, but remember, we live with my mother-in-law).  So the hillbillies provide us with endless stories and countless hours of entertainment. Before you judge me for judging them read on. . . .


They’re honest to goodness something right off of The Jerry Springer or Maury show.  The dad is “disabled” (he hurt his back working or something).  The mom is an alcoholic who can’t hold a job and sleeps around.  The parents are always fighting.  Seriously, the whole neighborhood can hear them screaming from inside their house.  The kind of fighting where the children go outside so the parents can fight it out.  Just absolute craziness.  They have 4 children teenagers.  I think their ages range from 11-18.  (Boy, girl, girl, boy).  The kids all have trash mouths and smoke pot.  I don’t know if any of them even go to school.  HILLBILLIES!


Well a couple of weeks ago the oldest daughter’s boyfriends (yes, there are two of them), were fighting in the middle of the street. It was about midnight and they’re yelling and pushing each other, pulling off their shirts and getting all up in each other’s faces screaming.  Apparently she had a boyfriend and he went to jail.  (For what I have no idea, I can only imagine)!  I guess while bf #1 was sitting in jail, she decided to go and get herself bf #2.  In the mean time, bf #1 got out of jail and was none too happy!  So he decided he was going to fight for his woman.  This went on for about 30 minutes, in the middle of the street at midnight.  (No we did not call the cops, cause homeboy just got out of JAIL, for God only knows what)? And I didn’t want him coming back with a gun and shooting us!


So to the good stuff. . . . yes there’s more!  Last night we hear what we thought was dad yelling at mom again. But we were wrong! It was dad, but he was yelling at the daughter! She’s pregnant!  She’s white and both the boyfriends are black.  All I could think was she's going to be on an episode of Who’s my baby daddy??? on the Maury show! (Yes, I am a terrible person and I’m okay with that)!  If you had to live next to them, you’d be laughing too!


So if you have great neighbors, or even just quiet ones, bake them some cookies or something and thank them for NOT being HILLBILLIES!